I tend to sign up to things to help reinforce a positive mindset. This habit began when I was a child. I used to joke that I am the original Pollyanna (1913 novel by American author Eleanor H. Porter, which I first read in the stacks inside the Goderich Public Library). The habit has made me ‘expert’ in self help books and positivity e-newsletters. These last couple of years have been particularly challenging, despite my sunny inbox cluttered with positive news and inspirational messages. Something my friends and acquaintances on Facebook and Instagram will know, as I have sometimes made comments on various topics.
Today, an email from Happiful which includes an article about the importance of self talk, https://happiful.com/how-to-switch-up-negative-self-talk dropped into my inbox that reminded me of the things I used to tell myself. In my 20s, I had adopted a habit of reframing the comments or questions I had for myself. I noticed how low I felt if I thought or spoke negatively. It wasn't easy. I had to constantly remind myself to stop and take a breath, then ask a question of myself. It worked sometimes, and then at others I'd be overwhelmed with emotion. But I learned that this is a lifelong adventure, and self forgiveness was important. The self talk though I was uncertain about, as I noticed that maybe I was a little different from others at the time, but more likely I needed to find more dissimilar people like me. Not something I discussed with many people. I aimed to keep an inner circle of positive and constructively critical thinkers. I am grateful for having had the opportunity to know a few such people.
When pandemic reality triggered the beginning of The Time of the Great Staying In, I could no longer simply avoid paying attention to my own needs by lending an ear to others. And when I listened during that time, there was a deafening silence. Writing poetry or fragments of thoughts helped. I stopped thinking about whether the poetry was bad. I couldn't seem to sit still with the thoughts tumbling out. I was surprised at all the compressed and neatly packed emotions that followed. After all, I had prided myself for 50 years for my ability to protect others from my anger or my ability to be kind. At some point, along life's journey, I stopped talking to me in support of my self. I woke up to find that I was no longer my own best friend. I wasn’t protecting anyone and especially not my self. I began to suspect my ‘kindness’. After all if I was unable to be kind to myself, how could I be a trustworthy friend? So, one step at a time, I have been rebuilding and transforming my inner conversation. The email that inspired this post today, I reviewed and then adjusted the content to reflect my current self talk.
How I frame the world when I catch myself speaking or thinking in the negative
(liberty taken from Happiful who I thank whole heartedly for existing and inspiring me to write this)
A running mantra for all that ails - me speaking to Me
(list will be updated at indefinite moments in time)
This may not be my strong point, but I have many skills. Think about what I am learning from the experience. Think about the skills I have and how they are appreciated by others and myself. I am grateful.
I can’t control what others think, but I know there are people who care deeply about me. Most importantly, I care about me.
I’m struggling right now, and I am still worthy of love and compassion. I am grateful and can give myself some grace.
Doing something bad doesn’t make me a bad person. I am reminded that I am imperfect, like lots of other people. I can give myself compassion the way I would for others. I question myself and can forgive myself and take responsibility.
This is challenging, but I can keep trying. I am skilled at trying! Big up yahself!
I’m facing a challenge, and I will try my best – that’s what matters. I always try my best. I can only compete with myself, keep aiming to improve. And appreciate that wherever I have reached, I am doing my best. Give myself some grace.
I will get through this – it won’t last forever. Examine shifting perspective. It doesn't hurt to remain positive. Keep the door open to be able to imagine another way forward. Be kind to yourself in this time. Reframe. Take care.
I made a mistake, and the world hasn’t ended. What can bring joy, nurturing, kindness, simple goodness?
